In the midst of personally being torn between two not-yet-job offers and decisions about quality of life, temporary goals or long-term goals, I was presented yesterday with a strange division in my own thought. Chalk it up to a 10 hour car ride in Midwest summer and boredom with The Life of Pi on cd.
I've been pondering Grace and Love; and the emphasis placed on either. (And still, though not yet, coming closer to a conversion of sorts to Calvinism). I find the Calvinist point that offering Grace to all cheapens the cross, and dulls G-d's gift to those who accept (the Elect, if you will).
From a gut reaction, I inexplicably agreed with the point, and on my road trip yesterday began to search for why I felt so compelled.
My conclusions (if I can now give them justice, for writing one's thoughts after a night's rest is never as eloquent as they first appeared in one's mind), are such: While Love has to be free, Grace cannot be free, for it is no longer Grace when it is free to all. Before you throw up your hands and scream 'What!? Surely the gift of Grace is given on no human account!' This is not what I mean by Free. For Grace most certainly is freely given. But is not Free for all to inherit -- not even for all to claim, and we should all recognize it came at a great price.
This realization, which I'm sure minor to most and maybe not that interesting at all, was a profound change in thinking for an adamant free-willer such as myself. G-d's love must be free for all -- His very character and nature demands it, for He is Love. But to allow His Grace to be just as free makes the cross unnecessary, belittles grace and limits His glory.
31 July 2006
26 July 2006
Surprised by Joy
(I wrote this almost three weeks ago, thought I would revisit it and then never got around to it.)
Recently, I have inadvertently become the Calvinist reference in my small group, although there are two guys in the group who are far more truthful to Calvin's tenants than I. In college, I began by only accepting the first point of Calvinism: total depravity. That's it, that's as much as I could buy. I've experienced a bit more Grace since then, and probably around last December felt that maybe, perhaps, irresistible grace rules and G-d does preserve His people. Limited atonement has always made sense -- for why should Christ pay for the sins of those who will not believe (and thus will pay for their own sins in their eternal separation from G-d). But accepting 4 out of 5 points was just too much for me.
I now fear I've accepted them all without knowing what hit me. I feel like Lewis' reluctant convert!
I thought that my objections centered on election, for it created a picture of an arbitrary god to me, not one of compassion, love and justice. A god that chose at whim whom to love and whom to destroy. A god too like Allah for me to stomach. And what role did faith play in election? Can faith and election be reconciled? Is that Calvin-lite?
The following is a summary of my thoughts and conclusions:
If faith does play a role in salvation, then I must accept the final two points, for in my feeble mind they still go together somehow. Alas, it is only election that bothers me, for I fear it ignores faith, and that I cannot accept. If I were to understand election to include faith -- meaning we were still left to make the choice -- to accept or reject -- then irresistible grace refutes that possibility.
Perhaps it is irresistible grace I am stuck on all along. For on one hand, I cannot fathom a soul so stubborn as to be possible to refuse Grace - if that grace were truly known. And on the other hand, I cannot understand why He would not make His Grace known to all (for if it is irresistible than all would accept).
So Grace is left only irresistible to those who've been elected.
My personal experience with Grace leaves me only to believe that I have succumbed to irresistible grace and undoubtedly believe in the preservation of the saints. Not only that, it has caused me great joy in understanding. Joy that knows no other source but the Grace that flows freely from Him who gives according to His purpose. This experience of grace leading to joy is humbling, sustaining and satisfying. And draws me to accept the possibility of election.
I am left to believe that perhaps Calvin was not only a mean, feisty theologian, but one that might be right. My acceptance of his five points does in fact alter my view of my own life -- drastically and positively. For it brings an understanding of purpose, an increased level of submission, and desire. I cannot sit idly by and be a Christian in thought. No. This is to be an active faith, for when one who knows he is called with intent, purpose, and comes to the place of joy through experiencing Grace, one cannot rest in simple belief. One must move in response to His compelling, complete Grace.
After contemplating this all morning, I called my good friend (and Calvinist) Tonetta, and relayed the above. I still have problems with unconditional election, but I cannot keep refusing what keeps proving to be true. And so, I will keep working through my objections without fully rejecting, and continue to seek Him.
Recently, I have inadvertently become the Calvinist reference in my small group, although there are two guys in the group who are far more truthful to Calvin's tenants than I. In college, I began by only accepting the first point of Calvinism: total depravity. That's it, that's as much as I could buy. I've experienced a bit more Grace since then, and probably around last December felt that maybe, perhaps, irresistible grace rules and G-d does preserve His people. Limited atonement has always made sense -- for why should Christ pay for the sins of those who will not believe (and thus will pay for their own sins in their eternal separation from G-d). But accepting 4 out of 5 points was just too much for me.
I now fear I've accepted them all without knowing what hit me. I feel like Lewis' reluctant convert!
I thought that my objections centered on election, for it created a picture of an arbitrary god to me, not one of compassion, love and justice. A god that chose at whim whom to love and whom to destroy. A god too like Allah for me to stomach. And what role did faith play in election? Can faith and election be reconciled? Is that Calvin-lite?
The following is a summary of my thoughts and conclusions:
If faith does play a role in salvation, then I must accept the final two points, for in my feeble mind they still go together somehow. Alas, it is only election that bothers me, for I fear it ignores faith, and that I cannot accept. If I were to understand election to include faith -- meaning we were still left to make the choice -- to accept or reject -- then irresistible grace refutes that possibility.
Perhaps it is irresistible grace I am stuck on all along. For on one hand, I cannot fathom a soul so stubborn as to be possible to refuse Grace - if that grace were truly known. And on the other hand, I cannot understand why He would not make His Grace known to all (for if it is irresistible than all would accept).
So Grace is left only irresistible to those who've been elected.
My personal experience with Grace leaves me only to believe that I have succumbed to irresistible grace and undoubtedly believe in the preservation of the saints. Not only that, it has caused me great joy in understanding. Joy that knows no other source but the Grace that flows freely from Him who gives according to His purpose. This experience of grace leading to joy is humbling, sustaining and satisfying. And draws me to accept the possibility of election.
I am left to believe that perhaps Calvin was not only a mean, feisty theologian, but one that might be right. My acceptance of his five points does in fact alter my view of my own life -- drastically and positively. For it brings an understanding of purpose, an increased level of submission, and desire. I cannot sit idly by and be a Christian in thought. No. This is to be an active faith, for when one who knows he is called with intent, purpose, and comes to the place of joy through experiencing Grace, one cannot rest in simple belief. One must move in response to His compelling, complete Grace.
After contemplating this all morning, I called my good friend (and Calvinist) Tonetta, and relayed the above. I still have problems with unconditional election, but I cannot keep refusing what keeps proving to be true. And so, I will keep working through my objections without fully rejecting, and continue to seek Him.
Ni'ma
To the best of my knowledge, ni'ma is the closest Arabic representation of Grace. It's defined as: benefit, blessing, boon, benefaction, favor, grace, kindness; and ni'mat Allah is 'by the grace of G-d.' My English version of the Qur'an does not list it in the index. Never once in my four years of studying Islam did we discuss the concept of grace in class. There is no such concept under Allah.
This was made clear to me as I traveled in Cairo. In the mornings, on our way about the city, we would travel by train, often (and preferably) riding in the women-only cars. Watching Egyptian women at ease, all eager to talk with us Americans, practicing their English (which was far better than my Arabic!)
We were encouraged to adopt Arabic names (easier to pronounce) as conversation starters. I wanted to find the word for Grace and use that as my name. But no one knew it. Every women I asked on the train looked puzzled. "Grace? What is that? I don't understand." This could be attributed to language and cultural barriers. So, I gave my best description of G-d's favor and blessings in our lives, experiences through knowing Him intimately and personally.
Blank faces were my only response. Really? I wondered if His Love was as foreign as His Grace.
I continued to enquire everywhere. No one knew the word for Grace in Arabic. One man thought I said Greece. Finally, a Lebanese Christian told me the word. I made him write it in Arabic. I engraved it on a ring. I've shown it to a few of my Arabic speaking friends. "What's that? Oh, yes, blessings. G-d's blessings." No. Grace, people, Grace. "Well, yes, it means Grace, too, but no one uses it like that." Well, what do they use? (Silence).
How sad. To worship a god with no grace. It is empty and incomplete. Not because we then get nothing out of faith, for we have nothing to do with the gift of Grace but to humbly receive. Not because He has to give grace, for it is by His choice and wisdom alone. Simply because there is no glory in a graceless god.
This was made clear to me as I traveled in Cairo. In the mornings, on our way about the city, we would travel by train, often (and preferably) riding in the women-only cars. Watching Egyptian women at ease, all eager to talk with us Americans, practicing their English (which was far better than my Arabic!)
We were encouraged to adopt Arabic names (easier to pronounce) as conversation starters. I wanted to find the word for Grace and use that as my name. But no one knew it. Every women I asked on the train looked puzzled. "Grace? What is that? I don't understand." This could be attributed to language and cultural barriers. So, I gave my best description of G-d's favor and blessings in our lives, experiences through knowing Him intimately and personally.
Blank faces were my only response. Really? I wondered if His Love was as foreign as His Grace.
I continued to enquire everywhere. No one knew the word for Grace in Arabic. One man thought I said Greece. Finally, a Lebanese Christian told me the word. I made him write it in Arabic. I engraved it on a ring. I've shown it to a few of my Arabic speaking friends. "What's that? Oh, yes, blessings. G-d's blessings." No. Grace, people, Grace. "Well, yes, it means Grace, too, but no one uses it like that." Well, what do they use? (Silence).
How sad. To worship a god with no grace. It is empty and incomplete. Not because we then get nothing out of faith, for we have nothing to do with the gift of Grace but to humbly receive. Not because He has to give grace, for it is by His choice and wisdom alone. Simply because there is no glory in a graceless god.
25 July 2006
By Candlelight
I got ready this morning by candlelight. The power to our entire block went out just as I was waking up, around 4:15am. I noticed how peaceful it was, although it was a bit awkward finding my clothes in the dark (and hoping I'd put them on right-side out).
There is so much in my life that is above and beyond my control right now. My job situation, needed car repairs, and feeling like I'm always scraping by to make ends meet. But there in the dark this morning, I remembered how lucky I am. I'm here, I really and truly like my life right now. I love where I live, I am surrounded by good friends and a loving church family. I am truly blessed, above and beyond. And I'll be ok. My power was out because of a fluke. Not because of bombs, or lack of money or even poor infrastructure. It was such a little thing. To walk to the 'fridge and not have the light go on when I demanded it so. To not have the AC blasting in the background. I take for granted that those things will be there when I need them, never giving a second thought to those who struggle just to eat and live.
I had a conversation with a fellow Illinois alum about a month ago. We were talking about our friends back home...all those who migrated to Chicagoland after graduation, took the 'easy' road in terms of careers (teachers and engineers), and are now living their perfect little lives in houses in the suburbs. There is nothing wrong with that life. They are all good people who love Jesus and serve Him faithfully as best they can. At the time of our conversation, I was quick to judge how easily that could've been me. This morning, I was reminded that still is me. Comfortable. Complacent. Relaxed.
I am grateful for being stretched as of late. I challenged myself to give more of my time, and volunteering at my church has brought great joy. It makes me want more. And that is what I'm learning about Grace these days. The more contact and interaction you have with Grace and the One who gives, the more you want to give in return. Of my money, time, thoughts, etc.
There is so much in my life that is above and beyond my control right now. My job situation, needed car repairs, and feeling like I'm always scraping by to make ends meet. But there in the dark this morning, I remembered how lucky I am. I'm here, I really and truly like my life right now. I love where I live, I am surrounded by good friends and a loving church family. I am truly blessed, above and beyond. And I'll be ok. My power was out because of a fluke. Not because of bombs, or lack of money or even poor infrastructure. It was such a little thing. To walk to the 'fridge and not have the light go on when I demanded it so. To not have the AC blasting in the background. I take for granted that those things will be there when I need them, never giving a second thought to those who struggle just to eat and live.
I had a conversation with a fellow Illinois alum about a month ago. We were talking about our friends back home...all those who migrated to Chicagoland after graduation, took the 'easy' road in terms of careers (teachers and engineers), and are now living their perfect little lives in houses in the suburbs. There is nothing wrong with that life. They are all good people who love Jesus and serve Him faithfully as best they can. At the time of our conversation, I was quick to judge how easily that could've been me. This morning, I was reminded that still is me. Comfortable. Complacent. Relaxed.
I am grateful for being stretched as of late. I challenged myself to give more of my time, and volunteering at my church has brought great joy. It makes me want more. And that is what I'm learning about Grace these days. The more contact and interaction you have with Grace and the One who gives, the more you want to give in return. Of my money, time, thoughts, etc.
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