Surprised by Joy

(I wrote this almost three weeks ago, thought I would revisit it and then never got around to it.)

Recently, I have inadvertently become the Calvinist reference in my small group, although there are two guys in the group who are far more truthful to Calvin's tenants than I. In college, I began by only accepting the first point of Calvinism: total depravity. That's it, that's as much as I could buy. I've experienced a bit more Grace since then, and probably around last December felt that maybe, perhaps, irresistible grace rules and G-d does preserve His people. Limited atonement has always made sense -- for why should Christ pay for the sins of those who will not believe (and thus will pay for their own sins in their eternal separation from G-d). But accepting 4 out of 5 points was just too much for me.

I now fear I've accepted them all without knowing what hit me. I feel like Lewis' reluctant convert!

I thought that my objections centered on election, for it created a picture of an arbitrary god to me, not one of compassion, love and justice. A god that chose at whim whom to love and whom to destroy. A god too like Allah for me to stomach. And what role did faith play in election? Can faith and election be reconciled? Is that Calvin-lite?

The following is a summary of my thoughts and conclusions:

If faith does play a role in salvation, then I must accept the final two points, for in my feeble mind they still go together somehow. Alas, it is only election that bothers me, for I fear it ignores faith, and that I cannot accept. If I were to understand election to include faith -- meaning we were still left to make the choice -- to accept or reject -- then irresistible grace refutes that possibility.

Perhaps it is irresistible grace I am stuck on all along. For on one hand, I cannot fathom a soul so stubborn as to be possible to refuse Grace - if that grace were truly known. And on the other hand, I cannot understand why He would not make His Grace known to all (for if it is irresistible than all would accept).

So Grace is left only irresistible to those who've been elected.

My personal experience with Grace leaves me only to believe that I have succumbed to irresistible grace and undoubtedly believe in the preservation of the saints. Not only that, it has caused me great joy in understanding. Joy that knows no other source but the Grace that flows freely from Him who gives according to His purpose. This experience of grace leading to joy is humbling, sustaining and satisfying. And draws me to accept the possibility of election.

I am left to believe that perhaps Calvin was not only a mean, feisty theologian, but one that might be right. My acceptance of his five points does in fact alter my view of my own life -- drastically and positively. For it brings an understanding of purpose, an increased level of submission, and desire. I cannot sit idly by and be a Christian in thought. No. This is to be an active faith, for when one who knows he is called with intent, purpose, and comes to the place of joy through experiencing Grace, one cannot rest in simple belief. One must move in response to His compelling, complete Grace.

After contemplating this all morning, I called my good friend (and Calvinist) Tonetta, and relayed the above. I still have problems with unconditional election, but I cannot keep refusing what keeps proving to be true. And so, I will keep working through my objections without fully rejecting, and continue to seek Him.