Sometimes, Sundays feel too harried and forced, and I find myself in a dilemma of whether or not corporate worship will do more good than harm. I'm put off by the routine, the primping and labor of going to church, fellowshiping at lunch, church again, and another social activity on top of that. I find an unnatural pressure to fill the entire day with fellowship-related events. Granted, if I felt like that every Sunday, it might be cause for concern, and generally I am all for Sunday corporate worship. But, I do find I must prioritize what my other Sunday activities will be, and on this end, I seem to be coming across as anti-social. 
However, if I do not have some sense that I've rested on the Sabbath, my week is far more stressful, for myself, and for those around me. I maintain a loose definition of rest, and I completely understand that my idea of rest differs from another. For some, spending the day full of gatherings with family and friends is restful. For me, if I do not spend at least one day alone a week, my mental and emotional well-being suffers dramatically. In fact, if I don't get that time to myself, to regroup, process, and allow the introvert in me to recharge, I can easily become so nasty that I alienate friends and am entirely unpleasant company.
So today, after an intense week of too many activities, and camping all weekend with friends, I took a break. What I find frustrating is that twinge of remorse - not that I should have been at church, but that I've disappointed people. This has lessened as I've grown more, and understood the ramifications of me not resting. And I'm reminded that Jesus modeled this balance of community fellowship with times of individual reflection and isolation. If I did not guard this time, if I did not in some way make it a holy offering between me and my Lord, I'd be unable to fully give myself to the church, my friends, my week, my job, etc., without causing irreparable damage to myself, or to those relationships I cherish. But, this is not always easily explained, for lack of ability to articulate it in words that make sense, in my critical self-view. I find myself fearing that a tone of voice hints either hurt feelings or condescension when I have to say "No" to activities, but I don't know how to communicate that it's actually because I so value fellowship that at times I must remove myself from it, in order to be a productive contributor to it.
3 comments:
I find myself fearing that a tone of voice hints either hurt feelings or condescension when I have to say "No" to activities, but I don't know how to communicate that it's actually because I so value fellowship that at times I must remove myself from it, in order to be a productive contributor to it.
I struggle with this, too. I was ill on Saturday, and decided to skip Sunday School on Sunday so that I could rest a bit longer. When I got to church, I sat with my friends from Sunday School, and one of them said, "Where were you?" Ugh.
God made you steward of all that He has given you. That includes not just your money and your possessions and talents, it also includes your time. Many Christians will want to "help" you with that stewardship. Part of your job as steward is to guard against misappropriation by others of the things God has given you to manage.
If I were you, I'd be a LOT more concerned about what God thinks than what these other people think. If God is pleased with your choices, then it doesn't matter if others aren't.
The more you fear God, the less you will fear man.
The only time you should worry about displeasing others is when displeasing them also displeases God. That is an incredibly simple rule. Can you lay down, for Christ, your desire to be liked by others?
Stop feeling like you have to provide satisfactory answers. You might just say, "I'm sorry, I can't do that tonight. I hope you all have a great time." If they ask why, say something simple like, "God has other plans for my day/evening." Don't elaborate.
One of the things I've found is that if you don't give lengthy explanations, people stop expecting them from you. Surprise! By offering to explain your choices, you create an expectation that you will do so again in the future. Oddly, if you don't give explanations when you first get to know people, they're never really offended, because they don't expect more from you. People who routinely try to satisfy the curiosity of others are the ones that people judge when they refuse to explain.
Anon - thanks. I do struggle with feeling like I have to come up with an explaination to justify my actions. And, you're right - that's putting the fear of man before G-d.
My small group last night talked about what it would look like if we needed people less and loved them more. More thoughts to ponder... :)
Are you up for an adventure? Missionaries in Cairo are looking for an elementary school teacher for their children, 3rd or 4th grade. The missionaries are from all over the world and teach at Evangelical Theological Seminary in Cairo:
http://etsc.org/
You could take a year off from your studies for this interesting position. It looks like a very good fit for you.
Any interest in this?
Post a Comment