11 April 2007

Missing Mercy

Mercy is a strong word. It's not one I think of as overused, and even its Biblical roots show in Webster's: a blessing that is an act of divine favor or compassion. We all pretty well understand that we sometimes receive pardon we did not deserve. It can be as small as a warning when we warranted a speeding ticket, or the Ultimate Mercy of G-d's pardon for our disobedience to him.

But for me, Mercy is also a sweet, bright little girl, the sister of my best friend. I met Mercy when she was four, and immediately we were connected. I was a senior in high school, on my way to graduation and college. This clearly made me super cool, and far more interesting than her siblings. Eventually, I became part of Mercy's family, spending holidays, college breaks, and weekends home, crashed on her older sisters' floor. But Mercy was the first to adopt me, and always the first to greet me at the door.

"Ryyyyaaaaannnnn!" She'd cry, and wrap her skinny frame around my waist and legs, before I could set down luggage or take off my coat. "I missed you! Where have you been? Why didn't you come home sooner?" No amount of explaining final exams, papers, or other obligations would suffice. She'd beg me puzzle with her, read with her, sit with her, sit by her at dinner, anything with her. And who doesn't want that? She embodied unconditional love to me. No matter how long I'd been gone, what my grades were like that semester, what my heart looked like that semester; I knew that the second I walked through the door, Mercy would be there to greet me, loving just the very fact that I was there.

I wish everyone had a Mercy.

Mercy got sick in January 2004, while her parents' were overseas. She had leukemia, and passed away June 30, 2004. Today is her birthday. Her sister emailed this morning that her gravestone was ready and the family was gathering this afternoon at her grave.

Her family no longer lives in that house. Her sister is happily married, with an apartment of their own. It makes it easier to go back and visit, but every time I ache, wanting her to be there at the door.

I miss Mercy.



2 comments:

Meg said...

hi ryann-
i just came across this entry. thanks for sharing. i never met Mercy, but she seemed like such a sparkling girl.

Ryann said...

Hey Meg, good to hear from you. It goes without saying that I wish you could've met Mercy. And, "sparkling" is the perfect word to describe her.
Hope all is well in St. Louis!