Full plate (and other thoughts)

Every evening on my way home from work, I take an exit off one of our nation's largest Interstate loops. There on the right, nestled in the patch of trees on the side of the ramp, I glimpse a rain tarp covering a tent. At first I wondered if some city-dweller just wanted to camp out for a night. But there are national and state parks relatively close. And the tent has stayed for weeks. Ten yards in front of the tent, a pile of trash grows. At least, it looks like a pile of trash. It could be the tent person's possessions.

Last night we had a small ice storm. It's cold here.

My thoughts, however unsettling, are honest. I wonder if he (she?) chose to do this. The tent's in decent shape, and there is evidence of other camping gear. I think about taking them a hot meal. I think about notifying the county. I think about what my response as a Christian should be. I think, I think. I do not do. I do not act in any way, shape or form. Good or ill, I continue to drive by everyday and think.

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Classes began this week with a full round of Hebrew and a weekend full of Isaiah-Malachi. Monday, systematic II began. I'm not sure if it's because I'm run down with a never-ending cold, or if it's just that time of year, but everything I've added to my plate is starting to catch up. Feels like the plate is cheap and disposable, and the load is making it fold in on itself. They are all "good things" but even good things come with baggage, time constraints, emotional and physical tolls. And I find myself having to check my motivations for a) earning my sanctification or b) avoiding issues by making myself so busy that I don't have time to deal with them. Something has to be scrapped off the plate... something has to go... or I will not sleep for a good 12 months, and that is not a good thing.


Here's the pile, pro's and con's. This must be a little writing therapy; I'm working this out as I go.


1) Work. Obviously, it'd be nice to be filthy stinking rich and not have to work. Since that's not the case, a job and income are clearly necessary.

2) School. Not an absolute necessity. Will hopefully help me get into a PhD program (also not necessary). Trying to finish in 2 years. This is being reconsidered, given some points below.

3) Church plant. Not necessary in a physical sense. Living out the Great Commission, however, very necessary. It's a good fit for me ministry-gifting wise. Not a good fit time wise. The emotional aspect of leaving my current church was not something I anticipated, either.

4) Book review(s). Clearly not necessary, as it is not paid and will be in an obscure arts & lit journal. But it will help with #5.

5) PhD application process. I'm lost on this. Once again, it's not necessary. But, it is in the sense that I am obligated to use the gifts G-d's given me to fulfill His call in my life. I am, learning from mistakes with grad school applications, starting the process a full year out. But, that's the thing - it takes a full year to apply to PhD programs. And it's pretty much a part-time job. Researching professors to work with, researching the field itself so I can be knowledgeable and sound like I know what I'm talking about, and researching programs are just the beginning. I'll need to retake the GRE's (more studying) because my scores are too old now. I will likely need to attend my fields' (once determined) annual academic conference, too. And then there will be school visits and interviews. All in all, this is looking like about a 4-credit class load and $3000 expense that I just didn't see coming. And there are no guarantees that I'll get in.

Combined, this load has given me much to consider in the past few weeks. Essentially, I am pondering the relationships between desires, calling, purpose, etc. It makes me joyful to engage in pursuits that utilize my gifts and bring glory to the Lord. But those don't always line up with my desires. It's not quite a struggle, and sometimes it is exciting even to contemplate how He will weave it all together.

Considering the load, I doubt I will be posting much, unless I happen to write another stellar/failing paper. I will be doing profiles for all the prophets and these I may post as time allows.

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My mornings: