Disconnect

When you try your best, but you don't succeed

When you get what you want, but not what you need

When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep

I love my job.

I work for a Christian organization doing nitty-gritty Gospel work. I get to utilize my skills and my degree(s). I edit, I research, I check facebook 20 times a day, I research some more, I fly to states that should be warm (but aren't at the moment) and talk to people about what it means to live the Christian life.

I love my job.

And the tears come streaming down your face

When you lose something you can't replace

When you love someone, but it goes to waste

Lately, however, I've felt this disconnect between my organization's approach to some pressing issues and my own practical theology philosophy. And the trip I'm currently on is highlighting this emotion. I'm here on company dime, to draw attention to our views. But they are not my views and it is difficult to find the balance of a) doing my job while b) not compromising my intellectual integrity.

Tears stream down your face

When you lose something you cannot replace

Tears stream down your face

But there is also an internal disconnect that I must wrestle with. I'm still formulating what exactly it is that I disagree with and why. From my brief reflections, I'm struggling to find the proper balance between reactionary and engaged orthodoxy. How do I love my enemy while being critical of lies? How do I engage in dialogue and show the love and humility of Christ without sacrificing the Gospel? Do I buy into the argument that showing love and humility is the Gospel?

Lights will guide you home

And ignite your bones

And I will try to fix you