Forgiveness is so fricking hard. I really think it's the most difficult act of Christian obedience. This will most likely turn into a series of posts, as it is an issue I'm revisiting right now, and although it is painful, I am grateful for the work of the Holy Spirit in my life.
This started about three weeks ago, when I realized I had to ask So-and-so to forgive me. How can I ask them to forgive me, when I harbor such unforgiveness in my own heart? And then came the disappointment. Haven't I already dealt with this before? Haven't I already put so much time and effort into working this out, into forgiving this one person? Can't I just be done with this?
And of course, as He often does when we are dealing with a specific issue, it was brought up over and over again during the past few weeks.
Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.
For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. (Matthew 6)
This far more demanding than we like to make it. This is not some wishy-washy 'oh, He understands that you're just human and we are imperfect at forgiving.' Nope, it's pretty clear cut here. He demands us to forgive just as He forgave - infinitely and absolutely.
Juliet pointed out that often times, when we feel frustrated because we are revisiting the same issue, it is really a revisiting from a different vantage point. After Sunday's sermon on forgiveness, and talking with Juliet, I've come to understand that this time around, it is my anger caused by my unforgiveness that I am dealing with. And that anger has only hurt me. (I asked Julie if that was selfish and she replied that it is just a rightful understanding of what anger does. Whew. At least I don't have to deal with my selfishness at the same time!)
Anger and unforgiveness keep us from freedom in Christ. Which helps me understand more why I was given this verse almost three years ago:
It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. (Gal. 5:1)
So, I am learning to shed the yoke of slavery harnessed by my anger, caused by my unforgiveness.
My anger stems from her lack of unrepentance. (And, without too much detail, her insistence that I am the guilty party, though the guilt was proven independent of me, in a court of law.) How do you let go of anger towards someone who is absolutely unrepentant? Any thoughts?
About Me
- Ryann
- United States
- Studying Islam and Mid East politics from liberal academic institutions led to my quest for moderation. Currently pursuing an M.A.R. from Reformed Theological Seminary, studying Hebrew and Greek, and wishing I had more time to read.
5 comments:
I think that's the hardest part of forgiveness; forgiving people who maybe don't deserve it or don't even see that they've done something wrong. Because really that's what we want to hear them do is admit that they realize they were wrong and then it's easier to forgive. But sometimes, people are trapped in their own perspectives and can't get outside their own heads. It helps to think that they are doing the best they can with their lives even if we don't see what they are doing as good behavoir. And we can hope that their hearts will be changed one day, but we shouldn't count on it. This is what I'm learning now anyway. :-)
I try to remind myself that she is a broken person, too, just like me, and she needs Grace as much as I do. But yes, forgiving people who aren't sorry (and who's identity is found in a victim mentality) is very, very difficult.
Hi Ryann...
This is Beth (Carl's wife)- I bumped over from your Facebook, and have been skimming your blog ever since (tonight). I hope you don't mind! (And if you do, you can tell me to go away, too)
Anyway, I was wondering how you were doing on this particular issue- it's one I'm struggling with myself right now... it sounds like a pretty similar situation, actually. Except, in this case, I'm the one being accused of having a victim mentality, because I keep coming back to the same issue, and the other person involved (though studying theology) doesn't feel the need to apologize (despite accusing me of the exact same thing!) :) In the end, I think I've figured out the misunderstanding between my friend and I, and that has helped some, but I'm still curious about whether you ever found answers about how to forgive someone who's unrepentant (or unavailable to give forgiveness to, for that matter).
Hey Beth! Glad you found me. :)
In my situation, nothing has changed on their end, but I have changed my approach to how I pray about it. Instead of praying that I'd be able to forgive (which seemed to get me no where, and left me beating myself up about it), I'm praying now for compassion towards this person, and it's working. I can feel my heart softening towards them. Must me a G-d thing!
Anyway, I hope your situation gets better. I'll be praying for you. :)
Thanks! :)
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