Torn

In the midst of personally being torn between two not-yet-job offers and decisions about quality of life, temporary goals or long-term goals, I was presented yesterday with a strange division in my own thought. Chalk it up to a 10 hour car ride in Midwest summer and boredom with The Life of Pi on cd.

I've been pondering Grace and Love; and the emphasis placed on either. (And still, though not yet, coming closer to a conversion of sorts to Calvinism). I find the Calvinist point that offering Grace to all cheapens the cross, and dulls G-d's gift to those who accept (the Elect, if you will).

From a gut reaction, I inexplicably agreed with the point, and on my road trip yesterday began to search for why I felt so compelled.

My conclusions (if I can now give them justice, for writing one's thoughts after a night's rest is never as eloquent as they first appeared in one's mind), are such: While Love has to be free, Grace cannot be free, for it is no longer Grace when it is free to all. Before you throw up your hands and scream 'What!? Surely the gift of Grace is given on no human account!' This is not what I mean by Free. For Grace most certainly is freely given. But is not Free for all to inherit -- not even for all to claim, and we should all recognize it came at a great price.

This realization, which I'm sure minor to most and maybe not that interesting at all, was a profound change in thinking for an adamant free-willer such as myself. G-d's love must be free for all -- His very character and nature demands it, for He is Love. But to allow His Grace to be just as free makes the cross unnecessary, belittles grace and limits His glory.